(like a molecule, we are looking for neutrality: for we don't want to be too cold or too hot. we want to be "just right." no matter the age, we want to feel comfortable and stable. healthy. safe. we want to fit in with our surroundings.)
as of late i have had the privilege of spending time with several aging men who are struggling with making life-changing decisions. all three of these gentlemen are in their 80's. they are living mostly independent, in various locations. all three of them have this in common: they require more assistance than they are willing to admit in order to be safe and remain somewhat healthy. i see fear and confusion as they attempt to justify their explanations for living alone. i listen. and listen. all three have fallen NUMEROUS times, causing severe bruising and other injuries. they listen to me (sometimes), but say very little regarding my recommendations. they do not like the options that are available to them. most importantly, they want to be with family, but family is not available in any of the three situations. family members exist, but their lives are much too hectic to care for an aging adult. an aging father.
i share this because it is heart-wrenching to watch some life changes occur, especially when the outcome is not desirable or wanted. all three of these gentleman should be receiving full dependent care, as in a facility, adult family home, or full family care. all three want full family care, but have been told, "no." perhaps they would agree to full care in a facility if family would take the time to reassure and assist with this process. encouraging words or help move some belongings. it doesn't sound like much. however, nothing is worse than hearing a son or daughter say that they are too busy to help out dad right now. in my MIND i am wanting to ask, "really? are you serious?" typically this is not an appropriate response. there are always reasons.
will i ever feel too busy to take care of my aging parents? how does that happen? how do we become so separate from someone we were once so close to? these are the thoughts i am pondering this day. obviously a lot can happen in a relationship. in a lifetime. i understand this. feelings hurt. angry words and inappropriate actions. time passes. real pain exists. but in the eyes of an 80-year-old, fear exists, and that is hard to watch. it is even harder to HELP.
